New crisis management

My thoughts frequently wander to newly acquired insights in crisis management. Lately I’ve been frustrated. I have a good amount of time on my hands, and plenty of things to fill them with: work stuff, school stuff, school project, yoga practice, singing and guitar practice, writing, housework, not to forget socializing and going to the movies.

Since I moved out (and into the next crisis), I enjoyed the slow pace and absence of someone to breath down my neck or give me dirty looks when I was (in his opinion) not using my time wisely. So I guess it was necessary to let my lazy side have some space. It needed a LOT of space!

It’s been just about six months, and lately I’ve felt like I’m drowning in stuff that needs to get done, as well as stuff that I want to do. The crisis of “adjusting to life on my own” has become a new crisis: “I lack structure.” Thus the goal is rather clear: “I need structure.”

That realization has occupied free moments of thought the past few days, as well as been the main attraction. I have enough time to do everything if I stop wasting my time — without having to be stressed out and hectic.

Actually, it just occurred to me that maybe I wasn’t just wasting time. I was recuperating from a stressful 24 years! And now I’m coming to my senses, so to speak, and it appears to me as if I’ve been wasting time. That’s a good sign that it’s time for a change.

Today I got up earlier than usual, got off to a slow start, but faster than has been my habit. It was the willingness to just get started. Just one thing. And one thing led to another, so that by the evening I’d taken care of a lot of stuff — housework, phone calls, organizing stuff and getting a sense of what I need to do. I’m pleased and relieved, and feel much less overwhelmed than I did yesterday.

Yesterday I named my crisis: “I lack structure.” Today I set my goal: “I need structure.” Then I went about examining my resources and how I can get there, the steps I need to take, what help I may need. It’s a good plan. When I have structure in my life, I’ll use the same steps to deal with the next crisis. Crisis/change is the only dependable thing in life, so it helps to have a plan of action!

First day after vacation

After a 24-hour shift plus a trip to the doctor with one of my clients this morning, I got home around 1 pm. Slightly tired.

Work was okay, but with this job it is a challenge. Each time I go to work, I have absolutely no idea what to expect. There can be drama, it can be easy going, or straightforward but strenuous. Yesterday was kind of a mix. Don’t know why, but by the time I went to bed, I realized all I’d done wrong during the day (no big deal, just my own perfectionist need), and felt like I’m just not meant for the job, not meant for life, etc. etc. I was just plain tired.

Don’t know if it had anything to do with the fact that the night before my daughter called me at 1 am to pick her and some friends up. I said “No.” She came home shortly thereafter and brought a couple of girlfriends to spend the night. I asked them to be quiet. Fell asleep for the third or fourth time that night, and all of a sudden, at 3 am I wake up again and hear voices — they are sitting out on the balcony talking. I couldn’t believe it! It was a Wednesday night, we have neighbors, and “normal” people have to get up in the morning. So I went out and scolded. Then between 4:30 and 5 my cat did his little meowing scene, which I’ve gotten used to by now.

Strangely enough, I’d specifically told my daughter I needed to sleep that night. It was the most disturbing night of the whole vacation. We still have to discuss it. So I was rather tired.

Today I got home and made a cup of coffee. That is my home-from-work ritual. It helps me start the day, and make the switch into the “real” world. I poured in some milk and … it was sour! And there wasn’t really anything to eat either. It took a while to get motivated, but I finally went to the store. Now I’m finally having my coffee — with some delay, and even found a packaged pastry I bought last week which expires tomorrow. Lucky me!

I look forward to a good night’s sleep. And tomorrow I’m going to that open air concert in Switzerland to see my favorite German punk band — Die Toten Hosen. That cheers me up.

What’s the big deal? Self-acceptance and daily stuff

We only get as much as we can handle. I read that somewhere in the Bible a few decades ago, and held on to it as a source of comfort. Yet there are times when I feel silly about the big deal I make over my “stuff”.

I only have to look around in my circle of acquaintances and friends, to see what I consider much more dramatic situations. Two people I know lost their children to cancer. One friend’s significant other died of cancer ten years ago, and she’s still mourning. The son of a woman I know had a serious car accident a couple of months ago and is slowly recuperating. And if that’s not enough, I just open the newspaper and review the headlines.

It is tempting to compare one’s self and then make light of one’s own little mini-crises. Or other people do it for me. Recently I complained of a nasty 24-hour headache. The response was: “What are you complaining about? I’ve had a headache for weeks and just keep popping aspirin!” Or who hasn’t heard: “Why are you making such a big deal over it? Other people have much worse to deal with!”

Part of self-respect and respect for others is to accept them and their various issues without judgment. Another part is to not feel guilty or compare myself with others. Even if my “issues” seem less dramatic, they kept me busy enough for quite some time. At the moment, I am relatively free of serious drama. This gives me the opportunity and energy to be there for others — to listen, share experience, and comfort.

The bottom line is respect. I respect my own experience and that of others. Perception, coping strategies and ability vary. If a dozen people experience the same crisis, each will react differently. One may get through it as if it were nothing. Another may have a breakdown. Still another will take refuge in alcohol or drugs. One may binge. Another may get seriously ill. Someone else will bury themself in work. Yet another might seek refuge in self-injury or suicide. Each person has their own special way of dealing with what life dishes out.

I respect my own approach and that of others. It is of immense value to share experience with others. Whether they have gone through something similar or something completely different, often there is something to be learned.

For today I accept that we each do the best we can: myself included. I refrain from judging someone, or comparing and coming to the conclusion that I would have done it differently and thus they are wrong. Sure, I would do things differently than others. And other people would have done many things completely different from me. That’s how it is. It doesn’t make any approach better, worse, or of more or less value. Sure, the results of various strategies are more or less pleasant, but that’s how it is.