The universe provides

Changes are occurring on various levels. For the training program in which I enrolled this past February, I am required to do a project. Quite unexpectedly it has turned out that I will do the project together with a colleague. We get along well and can work well together, as we have already had the opportunity to do several shared homework assignments in our “peer group”.

The funny thing is, it has been my habit to do everything alone. I am the lone wolf who struggles forward and figures everything out all by herself — frequently reinventing the wheel along the way. Through this “coincidence” I have the chance to learn to work closely with someone, to share the burden — and our pooled resources.

In working on the concept, I jumped ahead and was already into the main planning. (The requirement is that I plan and hold a seminar, as the training program is basically aimed at teaching the students to work with groups.) My advisor pulled on the brakes and said: “Wait! One step at a time. First you clarify: Who gave you the job? What is the theme? Who will participate? Where will it be held? Once that is settled, then and only then do you start working on the actual seminar!”

I tend to do everything at once, which — as in this case — can lead to serious errors. It is a good learning process to slow down, to experience again how to do something one step at a time, to think things through rather than jump the gun and then have to improvise or bend things to make them fit. This is about setting up the framework first!

In the past, I dove in and then ended up with mediocre results. This project doesn’t have to be the best thing that ever happened, but I’m curious to see how it will turn out, and have a feeling that it will feel “right” as it progresses.

Life and the universe give me all I need. I don’t need to rush to get through my lessons. There’s enough time. As I said earlier, each day is a life, and that’s what it’s about. I take steps today and am pleased with my efforts and progress — regardless of whether they bring immediate results or set the groundwork for later activity. It reminds me of that saying: “The journey is the goal.”

Last day of summer vacation

Today is the day — the last day of summer vacation. As if by magic, my daughter who spent summer days sleeping and nights out, went to bed at 8 pm last night and woke up early this morning! What a great way to get ready for tomorrow! I’m impressed. This year is the first year I didn’t bother to say anything about practicing getting up early, changing summer sleep habits, etc.

In fact, yesterday I attended a garden party and didn’t get home until midnight! I assumed my daughter had gone out and was quite surprised to find her sleeping. The garden party was wonderful. It was a bit chilly, but didn’t rain — which had been forecasted. We wrapped ourselves in blankets, talked, dined, sang together, and listened to the musical offerings from various guests.

Now we are all ready for the school year. Since we left out the annual summer trip to the United States this year, summer vacation has been incredibly long! Nine whole weeks!

My head is now filled with thoughts about school, some sort of a meal plan so that I’m better organized, and good habits and rules about bedtimes and going out. If we get off to a good start, that will make a difference. This is the first school year on my own — after 24 years! Now the pressure is off, so I am free to devote myself to my children and my life (and my own schoolwork!), as I please. I don’t need to wonder about the relationship, about whether or not I should leave. I’m gone. I’m here.

Tomorrow I’m attending a symposium on addictions: internet, shopping, sex and computer games. I just happened to find out about it on Friday, and was still able to sign up last minute — even though the deadline was July 31st. See? It pays to ask, even if it’s too late! I actually got a reply email Friday evening! I was otherwise going to simply try my luck and show up. I figured, if it’s meant to be, I’d get in. If not, then I wouldn’t. No big deal.

“No big deal” is applicable to other stuff as well — things I consider a big deal. Like my children’s futures. A couple of weeks ago, both of them were pondering completely different paths, no more school, get a job, whatever… and it was impossible to discuss it rationally with my husband, let alone with the kids at that time.

I did the only thing I could. I shared my feelings and opinions as best I could, then acknowledged that I can’t force the situation or make anyone do anything. So I went home, took my guitar out of its case, and practiced for a couple of hours. Afterwards I felt much better, and realized: I’m here for them, but I have to let go and trust that all will work out.

Sure enough, it did. So they both start school tomorrow. And I got in a good amount of guitar playing, rather than obsessing and worrying about my children. I’ll try to remember that the next time such a situation arises in which I am powerless. Just focus on what I can do in the moment — and let go!

The crisp, cool breath of Autumn

It’s in the air. The mornings are crisp, even though the sun is shining. Summer is coming to an end. I love this time of year, which abounds with energy and promise.

The past two months were a time of rest, organizing, reflection, visiting, excitement and calm. I had the opportunity to get settled — both physically and emotionally. No, I haven’t totally figured everything out, but I have a good sense of where I’m at and what is to be done.

There have been long, lazy days, which is what summer used to be about. Omission of the annual visit to the States provided a long stretch of free time. It was a true blessing and exactly what I needed.

School starts for me next week — an extended weekend seminar. The children don’t go back to school until mid-September, so they still have some time. I am curious as to how it will turn out. My daughter starts in a new school, and my son is debating whether to switch schools or to see if he can find an apprenticeship. Time will tell.

After this much-needed rest, I am ready for the exertions of the coming year. I eagerly anticipate first change of season in my new home. There is a lot to be done. I have a few main goals, as well as a few smaller ones. And now I have the energy and optimism to pursue them.

Today I am grateful for this wonderful life and feel truly blessed.