Hairy stuff

I haven’t mentioned hair cuts for quite some time. The other day I realized how wonderful it is to have my hair the way I want it. It may seem insane, but this is the first time in my life that I simply do as I please. No more worry about what people, my boyfriend/husband will say and whether or not he will like it. It’s my business.

I’m letting it grow these days. The short stubby look was an act of protest, as well as a step to keep my energy within me, rather than let it slide down that long hair and lose itself among the little girl’s desire to please and be loved.

Funny how such a simple matter as one’s hair can have such an impact. I feel like me now, not somebody trying to get approval. My life has moved in that direction on various levels during the past year, to become a well-founded, authentic existence that I can identify with.

What a relief it is to participate fully in my life, rather than be the detached bystander who would like to make a change but has no idea where to start. Where did I start? I took one tiny step.

Last night I went to an open mic night. Although I was nervous among those accomplished musicians and lost my voice during the first couple of songs, I gradually gained confidence and enjoyed myself. Afterwards I received warm feedback and that made me happy. It is a wonderful experience to have complete strangers come up to me and tell me they really like my songs.

By the end of the evening, they were no longer complete strangers. True to my reputation, I was among the last to leave. Again I reaped the benefits of going there all by myself — it gave me the opportunity to meet people, rather than hide in the protective confines of the familiar.

As I went to bed around 2 am, I sighed happily. It’s so nice to go out and come home when I want to, without worrying about someone’s disapproval. There is no need to explain. I just make plans according to my schedule and energy level, and let the kids know. They have their own plans, and as long as we connect, all is well.

In closing, this uplifting experience not only made me feel good, but it gave me encouragement and confidence — which carries over to help me face the recent bout of worry. I trust it will all work out. (This morning I even did some work on the school project, and suddenly it doesn’t seem quite so overwhelming!)

No big deal

Well, my hair had grown an inch or so and one of my younger clients said my head looked like a mop. One delightful thing about my clients is their close observation and honesty. They tell it like it is. I’d wanted to get my hair cut again, and his words gave me that extra motivation I’d been looking for the past few days.

That was last week. Today it occurred to me that it’s not a big deal anymore. Finally, after half a lifetime I can go get my haircut and when I look in the mirror and she asks me if it’s okay, I look to see how I want it and not “what I can get away with”. What a different experience! I know what I want! And I find it amusing to discover how quickly it has become something I take for granted. When I think of all the years I wanted to cut my hair, but was afraid (knew) my husband wouldn’t approve… Insane!

Congratulations to all of you who can already do that! But for those of you who can’t, I’ll let you in on my little secret. You just have to do it a few times, and each time you’ll get better at it. It’s like most things in life. Just do it. Learning by doing. Assume that it’s your head and nobody else’s business, what you do with your hair. What a freeing experience!

By the way, it’s even a bit shorter than last time. The fun part is, my friends are lavishing compliments and like it much better than when it was long. I wonder if that has something to do with them liking the real me, and short hair is me right now.

Haircuts and rules

Late last night I was chatting with a friend and mentioned that I’d gotten my haircut three times in the past two weeks. Now it’s finally the way I want it. Regardless of what others think, I want my hair to be a reflection of me. I want inside and outside to be in harmony, to merge into a whole being who is at peace with herself. A daring haircut offers that last nudge to break the inertia and propel forward. It is a visible sign of change, and frees up bound energy. That led us to explore the realm of haircuts and rules.

Oh, a little aside. After that journey down memory lane with David Cassidy in the previous post, I realized that my hairstyle was very similar to his the past few years. It’s my favorite, really. He made a more lasting impression on me than I realized! However, these days, even that bit of hair is too heavy for me. Now I need to feel light and free. (It’s also much easier to wash with one hand!)

Every day of our lives we make numerous choices, and sometimes we forget that we have a choice. The most important thing about choices, as my friend says, is that they be made in accordance with our true selves. We should not decide against ourselves. How many times have I chosen “right” over “me” and been sorely disappointed?!

Yet many of my decisions have been based on weird rules that I collected along the way. Some of them I made up myself, others were imposed upon me by people who need to exert control. Many such rules I adopted without question. Now I want to change a few. Lately I have gotten better acquainted with some remarkably everyday people who follow their hearts rather than rules. They are inspiring, exciting, interesting, lively people who make me feel so much more alive!

My short hair has caused much discussion with girlfriends. They said that a change of hairstyle is often the predecessor of a major change. One cut her hair and got divorced. Another cut her hair and quit her job. The altered appearance is a source of strength and encouragement. It helps us get out of the daily rut and try something else.

The other night one friend said she also likes short hair, but her husband doesn’t like it. Therefore she has long hair. I told her my husband doesn’t like it either. Years ago I let that matter, and he told me how awful I looked. Today he doesn’t say anything, because I no longer give him that power. Looking back, I think it is awful that I let another person dictate what I did with my appearance. After all, my hair is part of me! Yet I had taken his displeasure and made it a rule: You must have long hair if you want to be loved. How many rules are just crazy figments of our imagination?

Let us be free to be ourselves and not let our self-worth depend on someone else’s preferences and opinions. Let us live as we choose, but abide by the Golden Rule. Easier said than done, but it’s a start. Choices can be difficult, but once they are made, I breathe a sigh of relief and move on. Learning by doing, one step at a time, I’m getting there. And I’m happy to have such wonderful interactions with old friends and new. I interpret that as a sign that I am on the right track.

I believe we each come to the earth with a destiny. But it is our choice as to how we go about fulfilling it – whether we take the most direct route or a series of detours. That is the choice of the individual. Such a simple truth, but so easily forgotten! For myself, I would say I’m a detour queen, and it’s been very interesting along the way. Now I’m ready for a new direction!

the new look