End-of-vacation blues

Although I could go on like this for a while longer, tomorrow I have to go back to work — and have a 24-hour shift to get started. These past few weeks have been nice. I did some travelling, but also hung out a lot.

The other day, I thought I’d done nothing, but it occurred to me that I’d had guests, gone on day trips, puttered in the apartment, got and assembled a new sideboard, did some handiwork in the kitchen, finished the German manuscript of my book, wrote a short novel, read, wrote a few new songs, practiced guitar and relaxed. All in all, I am quite pleased.

It is wonderful to stay up as late as I want, to sleep late, to go at my own pace. It was healing, and now I feel more grounded and settled in the apartment. This was the first vacation in my new home — and it is so nice to have a home that I like to be in! That is still such a novelty. I love coming home! I love being here!

The other day I even picked up my bike from the house — the one I swore I’d never ride again since that accident a year ago. Figured I might as well get off my high horse and use it. I don’t have the money to be proud and buy a new — cheaper — bike out of spite. Anyway, it really is a nice bike. Today I took my first spin. They say, when you have an accident, you should drive/ride again as soon as possible — to get over any residual fears. Funny enough, I was a bit nervous as I swung myself up on the seat. All went well. It’s nice to have a bike.

I’m sighing and don’t really feel like getting up early and going to work tomorrow, but that’s life. On the other hand, I do like my work and it enables me to live on my own. So, I’m a little down, but generally grateful — for my work, for this life. For everything!

The brighter side of the board

Finally, after a few months of just thinking about it, I decided to deal with the kitchen counter today. See, the kitchen counter only runs until about half-way along the wall. The remaining 6 feet are empty. So I put the dishwasher and washing machine there, still having a few feet left over in the corner. It makes sense to extend the counter space with a board.

So I measured it and finally went to the equivalent of a home depot store here. Why did I procrastinate? It’s a simple matter of a board and a 12-foot 2-by-4 cut to the right height to make 4 legs. It was all simple enough, except that the front wheels of the cart I used were stuck, so I had to maneuver the cart backwards to get through the store, past the checkout and through the parking lot. Then the back seat of my car was somehow stuck, so I couldn’t put the seat down. I drove home with minimal view in the right side mirror and no view in the rear view mirror. In the left mirror, I could see the police car driving behind me, so I drove very carefully and stuck to the speed limit.

Once home, I lugged it all upstairs with some help from the elevator, screwed on the four leg posts and … voilá! Then I realized that the friggin board was roughtly 1/8 of an inch (3 mm) too long! So I was pissed, and swore, debated going back to the store, etc. etc. But I left it there, with one end overlapping the counter and figured the heck with it for now. Tomorrow I could borrow a saw from my husband and cut off that extra bit.

Then my daughter came into the kitchen, made herself a grilled cheese sandwich, and sat down at the little table across from me. I was sitting there staring at the frustrating counter. She said she thought the board should be two inches wider, and if I asked at the store, they could seal the edges! (It’s a plain old board with white coating.) We slid the board back and forth from the wall to find the optimum depth, measured the length more exactly (yes, it was MY fault!), and we decided that I will get a new board tomorrow.

I can cut up this board and make a shelf. Now I’m glad we had the wrong board. It gave us an opportunity to better visualize and consider exactly what we want. It was one more valuable lesson in: Always look for the positive aspect! And say: “Thank you for this gift, H.P.!” I tend to do that when other things go wrong or seem complicated, but really didn’t think a piece of wood deserved that kind of spiritual attention!

This little lesson cost me €6.84. That’s roughly ten bucks. It was worth it.

Cat solution

Something has changed. I reconsidered the situation, and after talking with my daughter realized that I don’t want to give my cat away. Neither does she. Instead, I have found a new solution. He has a bed, and food and water on the balcony at night. It is sheltered. So I close the door and let him stay out. I don’t open the door until morning. The past two nights, he has meowed briefly, but then went back down the ramp or slept.

I stopped getting up when the house cat meowed at 5 am. (He sleeps better when his brother is outside. When both were indoors, there was no peace between 2 and 5:30 am!) This morning his meowing was shorter, as he realized I wasn’t getting up.

That’s the practical part of the solution. But there’s something bigger. The incident with my friend looking for a cat showed me that if I get desperate, there are solutions available and they will present themselves.

However, right now, the problem was more in my cat-rearing. Otherwise, no one has complained. I recognize a pattern that started as a child: Avoid conflict! Anticipate well in advance what problems could arise and prevent them. Have everything under control so there are no (unpleasant) surprises.

Even with the cats that behavior came through. Yesterday I decided to let go of my worries. If a problem arises, I will deal with it. But for now I won’t allow the possibility of a future problem consume me with worry.

True, my cat might be happy in the country, but he needs love, too. On the other hand, at the bottom of the ramp are trees and a lawn. Beyond that is a field. Up the hill are woods. There is a good deal of country here as well.

During the past two days, his affection seemed to be stronger than usual. He’s a little wild, but I think he wants his home to be with me. Whatever the future brings, I can cope with it. And I will deal with the future in the future. That’s it! Yet another small victory in overcoming my strongly-instilled, irrational fears.