Close quarters

Yesterday I had a totally new experience on my way back to the office. I’d run a few errands and had a heavy bag in my hand, so I decided the elevator would be a welcome reward for my efforts. A few people walked into the building after me, so I held the door open for them.

We pressed the button for the third floor. Nothing happened. I risked a sly glance at the little sign above the buttons. it said: “6 people or 450 kg”. There were only 5 of us, but 3 were rather heavy. In any case, it looked like we were stuck. One guy pressed a few buttons, but still nothing happened.

One woman said something about claustrophobia in a voice that I couldn’t tell whether she was serious or joking. Probably a little bit of both. Her possible need brought forth my inner galant heroine (I didn’t know she was there!) and I was calm and reassuring. I called someone at the office to organize help, and then we waited. In the meantime, it had gotten rather warm. Someone outside was knocking on the door. To no avail.

I wasn’t really in the mood to get stuck in an elevator yesterday, but then, I can’t say when I would be. Two thoughts comforted me. First, the confidence that eventually we would get out of there. Second, next time I’m conversing with a group of people who were once stuck in an elevator, I won’t feel left out. Not that I’ve ever been in such a conversation, but one never knows when such an experience might come in handy! Meanwhile, I sized up the other occupants, did a quick calculation and realized that we were definitely at or over the weight limit.

It’s one of those small elevators with a door outside and an inner sliding door. After ten or 15 minutes, somebody wedged his fingers in and gave it a nudge. It worked! The door openend and we were free!

We all walked out, and the woman who’d been waiting outside stepped in with the comment: “It does that sometimes when there are too many people.” Calling to mind the best way to overcome a traumatic experience, I stepped back in and rode up to the third floor. This morning I took the elevator as well. No problem.

Later on, it occurred to me that the elevator taught a lesson. It knows exactly what its limits and boundaries are, and is not willing to budge a millimeter if they are overstepped! If it had moved a few feet and stopped, we would have been stuck between floors. So, the moral of the story is: Know thy boundaries! Everyone involved could benefit!

I’m making light of this and might not be in such a good mood today if the “ordeal” had lasted an hour or two. So please, if you’ve had a truly harrowing experience in an elevator, don’t be insulted. It’s just comic relief about my own situation yesterday. Not a generalization.

Dreamy reality

Several days ago I had a long, complicated dream. If I hadn’t been so tired, I would have tried to write it down. It was like a movie. In the meantime, I’ve forgotten the content, but the message has remained.

The strange thing about the dream was, that I didn’t like how things developed and this time I was able to go back and start over again. The various scenes and interactions changed. However… the end results were the same! I found that quite interesting.

When I woke up, I thought about it some more and then it occurred to me: that is destiny. Even if you change things or do things differently, your fate will prevail. That is a comfort. Somehow I don’t feel so bad about mistakes and wrong decisions, which are, after all, rather subjective definitions. It is important that I remain active and take steps, but then I let go and accept whatever the universe delivers.

This reminds me of an experience I had in March. At the seminar we did a “dream journey” meditation and were led back to the time before birth, and then back again to the present. What struck me during that meditation was the realization that everything that had happened was part of my life. It belonged to me, to my own special, personal biography.

Before the meditation I had some reservations. I dreaded going back to the really sad and painful chapters. But when I got there, it wasn’t awful at all. I simply took note of all the experiences which contributed to who and what I am today.

I like that approach! It’s all part of me, belongs to me, and that’s it. Once again I am reminded to be conscientious, but to not take myself all too seriously. I do what I do and leave the rest up to God and the universe. That’s enough! Yippie!

Intermittent tangential deviations

What does that mean? It’s how I describe yesterday morning. After a ghastly night-shift of waking up every half-hour to make sure nobody was in trouble (I won’t bother with particulars), I was exhausted and looked forward to going home and crawling into bed for a couple of hours.

What did I do? My boss asked me to deliver some important documents to the main office, which happens to be another 20 minutes in the “wrong” direction. The person who would normally take care of this was sick. I wasn’t pleased, but it’s give and take, so I smiled and took them. I drove there, dropped off the papers, and on the way home briefly debated and then went off on a tangent to the Buddhist monastery. I hadn’t been there in months.

Hurry or no hurry, it was a matter of 30 extra minutes at the most. Anyway, what was the immediate goal? I was going nowhere fast. It was mid-morning, the skies were clear, the sun was shining, and the ground was frozen — so I walked over the grass up the hill to the stupa without getting my shoes all muddy. At first I only planned to walk around it 9 times (10 minutes), but then decided for another round. (Nine is my lucky number.) Repeating the serenity prayer, I could feel calmess spreading through me and the energy from that magical place seeping into my body and giving me strength.

Nobody else was out walking at that moment, so perfect peace prevailed. The surrounding snow-covered mountains cut a sharp outline against the blue sky. The crispness of the winter morning was offset by the rays of the sun and the invisible promise of spring in the air. Although, I could swear I noticed some buds looking rather eager to open up. Spring is on the way!

Feeling refreshed, I walked back to the car and drove home. I felt so good that I didn’t bother with a nap until early afternoon. Spontaneous moments and ideas like this sometimes present themselves during the course of the day. It is a gift to be open to them, to give myself the freedom to follow the impulse and give the day a sudden unexpected twist of beauty.

I hope that someone will read this and be inspired to take one of these detours, go off on a tangent and put an added sparkle on an apparently hum-drum day. You just need to let go and be open to the moment. I wouldn’t recommend doing it on the way to work, and especially not if you’re running late. But on the way home, or during lunch break, or on your way to the grocery store, or in the middle of doing the housework, or… whatever. I can’t anticipate all the unexpected opportunities, but they happen. I’d wanted to go right home from work, but the boss sent me on an errand. I wasn’t thrilled about the extra drive, but then look what happened!