Wake up and learn to say No

July 5, 2008 at 4:00 pm 5 comments

How can a bicycle be a source of philosophical insight and wisdom? Actually, now that I think of it — so is motorcycle maintenance! It’s often the things we don’t want that inspire us to grow the most. See, I had this bicycle accident on a bike I never wanted. I even cursed it that morning before I took off on that fateful ride. It was a mocking reminder of yet another incident in which I couldn’t say No.

Why did I have that bike? Because someone was convinced that he was doing me a favor, doing something nice for me. Meanwhile, my old bike was also a source of embarrassment (for the others, not me!), which I consider just plain stupid. It was old, yeah. But it was trusty, reliable, had gentle brakes, and I could park it in front of a store without locking it up. Nobody would steal a bike like that! It was simply perfect.

By not saying No, I endangered my own being. Not being able to say No has caused me a lot of grief and regret. Yet I needed one more jolt like lightning to finally get it through my head, to slow me down so I could wake up.

Think about it. Next time someone thinks they’re doing you a favor and you don’t want to hurt their feelings by refusing, you can gently, nicely and firmly say, “No, thank you. That is very thoughtful of you, but I really don’t want it.” As in my case, they may tease you for riding such an old bike until you finally give in. I am not against change, but do not advocate change through coercion. Now I understand. If they don’t accept me and my special preferences for things, which is only my business, that is their problem. Not mine.

Since the accident, doors and windows of my mind are blown open. Insights storm through like wind, and through the fall, I feel like the various aspects of this divided self were shaken up and put back together. The inability to say No has been one of several recurring themes in my life.

Another theme is the spiritual connection, which I felt very strongly as a teenager, but then lost. I lost it, because bulimia took up all of my time and energy, and then I was in a relationship with a person who thinks that is all humbug. Whether it is or not, is not the issue here. The issue is that spirituality is an essential aspect of my life.

Each of us has things that are important to them, and some things are neglected over the years — for various reasons, which don’t matter right now. The point is, that these important parts need to be acknowledged and reclaimed, especially if they are connected to our life’s reason and destiny. If we avoid facing up to things, avoid conflicts, we are not getting away with anything. The universe will simply have to utilize more drastic means. I’m not saying this as a threat, but intend it as encouragement. If your intuition tells you something, listen to it. If your heart tells you the same thing, again and again, maybe you need to act on it. I write this with the stipulation that these signs are positive and not injurious to others when we carry them out.

If I had said NO to the bike, and to my precious daughter, clearly and firmly, the accident would not have happened. I would have had that connection to the inner being and followed through on it. But I didn’t. It took the accident to get it through my head. I hope this makes sense. There is so much that I want to say, so many thoughts racing, it’s hard to concentrate. And the doorbell just rang, so I’ll take that as a sign. The odd thing is how things go in circles, always different yet always the same. That reminds me of a line from a wonderful song by the talking heads: same as it ever was.

Once in a Lifetime

And you may find yourself living in a shotgun shack
And you may find yourself in another part of the world
And you may find yourself behind the wheel of a large automobile
And you may find yourself in a beautiful house,
with a beautiful wife
And you may ask yourself: well…how did I get here?

Letting the days go by/let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by/water flowing underground
Into the blue again/after the money’s gone
Once in a lifetime/water flowing underground.

And you may ask yourself
How do I work this?
And you may ask yourself
Where is that large automobile?
And you may tell yourself
This is not my beautiful house!
And you may tell yourself
This is not my beautiful wife!

Letting the days go by/let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by/water flowing underground
Into the blue again/after the money’s gone
Once in a lifetime/water flowing underground.

Same as it ever was…same as it ever was…same as it ever was…
Same as it ever was…same as it ever was…same as it ever was…
Same as it ever was…same as it ever was…

Water dissolving…and water removing
There is water at the bottom of the ocean
Carry the water at the bottom of the ocean
Remove the water at the bottom of the ocean!

Letting the days go by/let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by/water flowing underground
Into the blue again/in the silent water
Under the rocks and stones/there is water underground.

Letting the days go by/let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by/water flowing underground
Into the blue again/after the money’s gone
Once in a lifetime/water flowing underground.

And you may ask yourself
What is that beautiful house?
And you may ask yourself
Where does that highway go?
And you may ask yourself
Am I right? …am I wrong?
And you may tell yourself
My god!…what have I done?

Letting the days go by/let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by/water flowing underground
Into the blue again/in the silent water
Under the rocks and stones/there is water underground.

Letting the days go by/let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by/water flowing underground
Into the blue again/after the money’s gone
Once in a lifetime/water flowing underground.

Same as it ever was…same as it ever was…same as it ever was…
Same as it ever was…same as it ever was…same as it ever was…
Same as it ever was…same as it ever was…

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Entry filed under: Family/Relationships, Learning to say NO, life. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , .

Cutting through clutter Pete Seeger

5 Comments Add your own

  • 1. InSanityFound  |  July 5, 2008 at 7:39 pm

    Beautiful thoughts hun, a thought, perhaps without the accident it might have taken you longer to reconnect… needed this post tonight, needed to read these words and feel their impact on my being. Thanks you, you have an incredible talent with words, keep on writing, keep on feeling! Mwah!

    Reply
  • 2. amandahox  |  July 5, 2008 at 7:43 pm

    i’m in complete awe. You write so gracefully and beautifully, you’re amazing at getting your thoughts down and making them make sense.
    Keep going at it, you’re doing a great job πŸ™‚

    Reply
  • 3. diaryofarecoveredbulimic  |  July 6, 2008 at 12:45 pm

    Sorry it’s taking me so long to respond. Instead of sitting around recuperating, I was at the town festival last night, drinking wine and dancing (one-armed & carefully) to live music until 1:30 am. All of my muscles are sore today, but it was wonderful. πŸ™‚

    ISF: You might be on to something there about the accident speeding things up a bit. It makes me happy to know that my words have such an impact. Then my efforts make more sense somehow. Thank you for your strong support on various levels! πŸ™‚

    A: Thank you so much for your encouraging words. It means a lot to me to know that what I write has meaning for others as well. Having gone through so much with the bulimia, I know what it’s like to feel so alone and misunderstood. Through my sharing I hope to reach out and demonstrate our common ground and help diminish that loneliness and replace it with hope. πŸ™‚

    Reply
  • 4. amandahox  |  July 7, 2008 at 2:30 am

    Well, let me tell you, that you’ve accomplished that with me many times. You’ve made me realize alot of things about myself and my struggle with this disease.
    I also hope, that through your sharing, you can reach others and reassure them that there is hope, and that they’re definitely not alone in this horrible struggle.

    Love,
    A

    Reply
  • 5. diaryofarecoveredbulimic  |  July 7, 2008 at 9:00 am

    Oh. thank you again! I’m so glad to be of help. Keep on keeping on!

    Reply

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