Wonderful day

July 26, 2008 at 1:48 pm 2 comments

It astonishes me that it has taken this long to figure something out, but it did, and today I figured it out. It didn’t look at all like it was intended to be a wonderful day. Yesterday I sang my heart out in the afternoon, and in the evening I suddenly had no voice. Just a whisper. I felt terribly guilty, but had to cancel today’s session at the recording studio. I guess the universe is telling me to take it easy or something.

After a few cold and rainy days, today turned out to be quite nice. Since I had a bit of a voice this morning, I suggested to the boys that we do something this afternoon. My son has his best friend visiting this week. They have been friends since they were three years old, and their friendship has not suffered since we moved to the country four years ago. They will both turn 14 this year.

We decided to take the train to the capitol of this province, about an hour away. After we arrived, we went out for lunch. Feeling strengthened, we walked to the mini-golf place and there I watched them play a round of mini-golf. This city borders on a huge lake. Since the weather was so nice, after we ate ice cream on the restaurant terrace overlooking the lake, we decided to rent a pedal-boat and go out ourselves. It was nice to watch the sailboats and other boats, but we wanted more action.

The boys pedalled, and I made myself comfortable in the back, enjoying the sun, waves, scenery and the breeze. Then I leaned back, closed my eyes, and trusted in their ability. It occurred to me that I was relaxed and enjoying myself. It was fun to listen to their silly jokes and conversation. When my son stood up and the boat rocked a bit back and forth, it was fun to giggle as I told him to sit down again. I was not overly concerned, as they are both good swimmers. The hour seemed to last forever, because we weren’t doing anything else. Nearly every 5 minutes someone checked their watch, not believing so little time had passed. It was wonderful.

Since we are not going on a real vacation this year, my idea was to “play” vacation while his friend is here and do special things. For some reason, I just didn’t expect to have so much fun. We’d gone bowling the other day with my husband, but that was different.

Then I realized: This is what it’s like to relax and have fun with your family! (Even if one of them is borrowed from someone else’s family.) This is what I have been missing. And after so many years, I’d kind of gotten used to it, stopped hoping, and just shut down. Actually, I shut down a long time ago. Or when we did do fun things, I felt nervous, pressured or tense, and generally was exhausted when it was over. Or I tried not to enjoy it too much, because the happiness would leave an aching gap when I returned to regular life.

Today as I lay in the sun on the boat, I thought to myself: This is how I want to feel more often. True, I can’t run to the lake every day and rent a boat, but a few moments to be here now in the sun aren’t so hard to find. I also recognized the impact that it has made on me to be with someone who is so lacking in humor and lightness. Although I knew that a long time ago, I still tried to make the best of things. Now I see that it wasn’t the best. On the contrary, I ran myself ragged trying to accept a life and attitude that has nothing to do with me. Or maybe it has something to do with my family of origin or the bulimia. Right now I’m not really interested in the reason why. Now my main concern is making the change. I really do like to laugh and feel happy! You know, I think I could get used to that!

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Entry filed under: life, Wonderful Day. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , .

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2 Comments Add your own

  • 1. SanityFound  |  July 27, 2008 at 7:47 pm

    Hopes you are feeling betters? Owe you am writing! Mwah

    Reply
  • 2. diaryofarecoveredbulimic  |  July 28, 2008 at 9:13 am

    Yes, thank you. Slowly gathering back strength and feeling better. It just takes time. 🙂

    Reply

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