You’re too good for me

December 15, 2008 at 10:03 am Leave a comment

Who came up with this stupid statement? I can still remember, at the beginning of our relationship, my then boyfriend said something similar: “I don’t deserve you.” Why didn’t I listen to him? Otherwise I always believed him. At times I had my doubts, but I generally left it up to him to be right. But back then, instead of listening, my generous heart responded: “Oh, don’t be silly! Everybody gets what they deserve!” And I gave him a nice smile.

Kidding aside — I mean, I’m not too good for him, we just don’t belong together. It never really worked, but I did go to enormous lengths to try to fit myself into the right form, to adapt myself to play the right role. But it just didn’t work. However, I don’t want to analyze my relationship at the moment. I want to stick to the subject.

“I don’t deserve you.” That is such crap! I think many unhappy relationships are based on this statement, regardless of which direction it takes: I don’t deserve you because I am garbage and worthless, or because I deserve better. There are varying interpretations.

It strikes me that the partners are not equal. If two people feel equal, then something like that can’t happen. It took me almost half of my life to finally get it: “I am a valuable person. I deserve to be happy. I deserve to be treated well and with love. If something is wrong with the relationship, it’s not just my fault.” These are important realizations, for which I am grateful. If I had realized them sooner (and believed them!), I could have saved myself an enormous amount of grief. But I didn’t.

I’m sharing this because it makes me sad — for myself and for others. Back then I was weak, sick, insecure, had low self-worth — how it is when one is eating-disordered. In any case, it wasn’t a good point of departure for a relationship. I was simply thankful that someone could “love” me. Okay, if I hadn’t learned and realized all this stuff, I might still be happy and thankful. But then I still wouldn’t have a very good inner picture of myself. That has changed for the better.

I write this with the hope that someone in a similar situation will read these lines and think about it. I would be very happy to help someone, or at least to get them started in a process to change their thinking. When we share our experiences with others, we can help each other. It has been a source of true inspiration for me to see how others deal with things.

It has been a hard lesson indeed. Now I have the feeling that I’m in a novel and waiting for things to change for the better, or at least for this chapter to end. I hope very much for a happy end. I’m doing my best!


Entry filed under: bad relationships. Tags: , , , , , , , , .

There’s nothing like a revelation Please stop!

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