On my way

January 11, 2009 at 1:17 pm Leave a comment

Not that I haven’t been on my way for the past 46 years, but today I feel it more clearly. Today is one of those plodding along days on the path. Rather than being full of excitement, there are simply things to do — to catch up and get organized. That is part of life — even for someone as chaotic as myself.

Friday afternoon I had the interview for that 3-year program. They accepted me. A few people have asked me what kind of certificate I’ll have at the end. I was slightly embarrassed to admit that I don’t know. That hadn’t really been of concern. The interesting part is the content: personal development themes including communication, family interaction, self-worth, conflict management, as well as more general themes like: love, spirituality, death and dying, sexuality, and addiction. So the piece of paper at the end will of course have some kind of meaning, but that isn’t the point.

Although I’m plodding, I can feel the energy swirling inside of me and rearranging itself. As I continue to take those countless little steps, some of them have incredible results. Through the talks with my husband, I am realizing that I am not nearly as powerless as I suspected. I do indeed have some say in the matter! I was just afraid to use that strength up until now. So things are turning around and there is more healing occurring.

I love that tingly feeling inside. It’s as if crystallized old patterns and thoughts actually change their physical manifestation, and I can feel it happening. I do believe that everything is stored in the cells of my body — including behavior and thought patterns. Sometimes it is frustrating, because it can take so long! I know where I want to go, where I want to be, but there are still a number of steps before I can get there. In addition, I have no idea what will happen along the way — before I get there, or if I’ll even get there. Perhaps along the way a new goal will present itself. Life is certainly interesting.

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Entry filed under: changing my behavior. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , .

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