More news from Higher Power

January 19, 2009 at 2:22 pm Leave a comment

God only gives me what I can handle. And God is indeed gentle. If I were God, I’d probably give myself a lot more to deal with all at the same time. Thank goodness I’m not. Enough is enough.

Today I returned a phone call regarding something that I didn’t want to deal with. I won’t bother to explain. Let’s just say I hate forms, filling out forms, and official documents, etc. The person at the other end of the line was quite helpful and when we were nearly finished, I asked her about something else. I figured she was the wrong person, but wondered if she knew who I should talk to about getting part of the upcoming training program accepted as official further education? That would mean that some of the time I sit in the classroom would be considered work time. Well, she didn’t know about that, but she asked why I don’t apply to have them help finance the course? It just so happens that someone else who works for the same company is doing that course and she just applied. What a coincidence! 🙂

So it definitely pays to return phone calls, to listen, and to ask questions. I admit, the only reason I asked the question was because I’ve been too lazy to make the call and find out the information myself. This was great! See? Even if I’m lazy or don’t feel like it, Higher Power tends to give me a break. Not all the time, mind you, but especially when I’m a little low on energy, feel shy or uncertain as to how to go about doing something. When I get these helpful gestures from H.P., they encourage me to be braver or more daring. That’s when I ask questions — without worrying that I’ll make a fool of myself.

How many times did I refrain from asking questions because I didn’t want to seem stupid! Then I walked around half-knowing something and more confused than not. I’ve learned to repeat the information that I’m given and ask if I understood correctly. Or today I even asked: “So you’re saying, I just need to …” Oh my goodness, it’s so EASY!!!! Why didn’t I figure out how to do this sooner?!

Things are developing, moving along, without my doing all that much. I just do my work, and keep my eyes and ears open. This is giving me a great sense of support, which I desperately need at the moment. See, my life is kind of turning upside-down in slow motion, and I’m not quite sure what is up or down. In fact, I’m questioning my sanity, but since I know I would never take medication, there’s no point going there. What I mean is, whether or not I am sane is a moot question, because I have to live with myself no matter what.

I have a hunch that it’s just fear creeping in again. So much is happening, new feelings and insights are occurring, and that old fear just isn’t pleased about that. It wants to bring me down again and make me behave and be a good girl. It doesn’t like uncertainty. Yuk! I’ve had enough of that! These days I prefer optimistic uncertainty to certain misery. I have no control over the outcome and don’t know if the optimism is justified, but I have nothing to lose! Today I let go and trust Higher Power and the universe.

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