The morning after

February 10, 2009 at 9:50 am 2 comments

After four days of intense interaction and communication among a group of 24 people, I am feeling slightly lost this morning. I didn’t notice at first what bothered me, as I sat there all alone at the breakfast table reading the newspapers. It occurred to me that I might want to write a little bit about the weekend, just to keep my memory clear. Part of the assignment for the smaller groups (see previous post) is to meet in a few weeks and reflect on the weekend. Just that thought brought me to the sudden realization that I feel rather lonely.

It was amazing how quickly the group developed a certain degree of trust and intimacy. By the second day we were sharing life stories during the breaks, laughing over jokes, and even crying — as if we’d all known each other for years. That is an incredible phenomenon by such group seminars.

So this morning I sat all alone with my breakfast and had no conversation. My husband is away on business and the kids are still asleep. I’ve already checked my emails, unpacked the suitcase, done a bit of grocery shopping, and last night I even made a brief appearance at a relative’s birthday celebration! I didn’t look forward to going, because I thought it would be too much after the intense weekend. It turned out to be pleasant enough, and perhaps it even did me good to drift into another group, so as not to fall down quite as hard. That’s just an assumptive sort of suspicion on my part. After two hours I was quite tired and happy to come back home.

And, yes, I have to mention this all in relation to bingeing. This morning would be the perfect lost sort of morning to get into the food. So many feelings, memories and issues were stirred up over the weekend, and today this lost feeling doesn’t help much. I’m not really sure what to do with all of this. I feel alone, open and exposed, ready to continue sharing and experiencing, but the setting has changed drastically. I decided to write about it — here and in my handwritten journal — and then I just might call one of the women from the group and see how she’s doing. The thought just crossed my mind that I might not be the only one who feels like this today.

Entry filed under: daily challenges, going back to school. Tags: , , , , , , .

Weekend workshop Valentine’s Day

2 Comments Add your own

  • 1. goodbadandugly2  |  February 11, 2009 at 5:03 am

    hang in there.

    • 2. diaryofarecoveredbulimic  |  February 11, 2009 at 9:17 am

      Thank you! I’m getting there. Went to the movies last night and on the way home I got the sense that I was getting back to normal life again. But this morning I was on the phone with a friend. She said she was doing well, and then there was silence. I said: “Is there some issue you need to address?” She cracked up and said I sounded just like a therapist. So I guess I’m not quite all the way back yet!


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