It’s been a while

April 9, 2009 at 12:44 pm Leave a comment

The last time I was silent for a week, I was travelling. This time, I’ve been here all the while — but all kinds of stuff is going on and I just haven’t had the will to write. I haven’t even made it to the store to buy a camera! I’ve decided the Easter Bunny will bring me one, so I’ll get there tomorrow.

I’m working on a few new songs and just finished the German translation of my book. This version is half as long as the original one and it was quite the process. Somehow it’s easier to review things in English without them getting close to home. But to translate meant that I really had to think clearly about what I was saying. So, I relived the past 20 years a few more times, and it has been hell.

It hurts to look back and see that my inner voice/intuition knew exactly what the deal was, but I just didn’t believe in them or have the courage to act. Okay, that’s all right. I forgive myself.

The big realization is the new closing paragraph, which is not in the English version. I like it, so I’ll translate back:

Lost Time

Is there lost time? Sometimes I was sad and stressed over the fact that I had missed out on so much. After I recovered, I nearly knocked myself out trying to catch up, make up for lost time, make the most of the time available, and lose no more time.

When my second child was around 3 years old, I realized that I was absolutely exhausted! They were incredible years. About the time I started to relax and gain back my strength, I began to play the guitar and write songs.

In the meantime, I try to keep my expectations a bit lower. When I manage to do that — which isn’t all the time — I’m more relaxed and satisfied with what is and enjoy quality time. Otherwise I tend to be stressed out.

It is not easy. The lost years are a bitter truth. And yet, those years are not really lost. I was just busy with other learning processes and other things. I was collecting experience and doing research, to prepare myself for this life I now lead.

It was worth it! One result of those experiences and research is the realization, that I prefer to let go of the “deficit” approach and instead consider the “resources”. Now I see it this way: I could have been sick for longer than I was. Through my recovery, I gained many years! Every healthy day is a day I have won! Try looking at it that way, it helps!


Entry filed under: Levels of Recovery.

At a loss Not quite sure

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