Slightly overwhelmed

April 15, 2009 at 1:46 pm Leave a comment

is how I’ve been feeling the past couple of weeks. Why is it, that everything seems to happen at once? There isn’t just one decision to be made, one thing to take care of. No, there are a few major decisions to be made, actions to take, a few minor things, and then don’t forget about the every day stuff as well. Add to that, that much of the stuff is new territory, and I’m ready to go for the ostrich tactic of sticking my head in the ground until it’s over. Just kidding! As old as I am, that is one thing I have learned: sticking my head in the ground is not a solution, it’s just a temporary escape.

This reminds me a little of the food problem. The first step is to admit: “I am powerless.” Add to that: “I am overwhelmed.” That right there is great progress, if I’m being honest. Whew! Once that is taken care of and I realize that I indeed cannot solve everything in one day, a weight seems to lift. The next step is: “What can I do right now?” I evaluate the situation realistically, to see what is in my power and what not — right now. I’ve planned a few things long-term as well, but know that I cannot control everything.

This reminds me of the phenomenon of getting through the day. Whether it’s about food, drinking, smoking, shopping, or any other addiction or undesirable habit, it’s about getting through the day — and finding appropriate alternatives. I’d been worrying incessantly, grinding my teeth, and recently even resorted to more regular alcohol consumption. None of that does me any good.

For the nth time, I’m again letting go and letting God. You’d think I’d be tired of that by now. Or that I would have done it so many times that it would be a natural response, almost like a reflex. But it’s not. I keep learning it — over and over again. To my credit, I’ll say that I’ve gotten pretty good about recognizing it fairly quickly. Instead of obsessing for months, I’ve managed to cut it down to just a few weeks this time around.

The idea that I have to do everything now and perfectly was instilled into me. I don’t know how, but it’s there. I’m sure no person or aspect of my environment did it on purpose. I’m sure no parent would willfully inflict this on their child. But, as we all know, shit happens.

There is a sense of relief that comes with knowing: 1) it doesn’t have to be perfect. And 2) I don’t have to know now (nor can I) what the outcome will be. That frees me to go about my business, which includes making good mistakes so I can learn a lot. Honestly, I won’t complain if everything goes well and I make lots of good decisions, but I’m letting up on the pressure of expecting that of myself. After all, I’m just a person who’s running around and trying to do the best she can, just like the rest of the bunch!

This is written partially to encourage the reader and partially for myself: to remind myself what the deal is. Have a great day!

Oh, the perfect song just occurred to me. Once again, the great Talking Heads with a touch of scratchy vinyl!

Well we know where we’re goin’
but we don’t know where we’ve been
and we know what we’re knowin’
but we can’t say what we’ve seen
and we’re not little children
and we know what we want
and the future is certain
give us time to work it out

We’re on a road to nowhere
Come on inside
Takin’ that ride to nowhere
We’ll take that ride

Feelin’ okay this mornin’
And you know,
We’re on the road to paradise
Here we go, here we go

We’re on a ride to nowhere
Come on inside
Takin’ that ride to nowhere
We’ll take that ride

Maybe you wonder where you are
I don’t care
Here is where time is on our side
Take you there…take you there

We’re on a road to nowhere
We’re on a road to nowhere
We’re on a road to nowhere

There’s a city in my mind
Come along and take that ride
and it’s all right, baby, it’s all right

And it’s very far away
But it’s growing day by day
And it’s all right, baby, it’s all right

Would you like to come along
and you could help me sing this song?
And it’s all right, baby, it’s all right

They can tell you what to do
But they’ll make a fool of you
And it’s all right, baby, it’s all right

We’re on a road to nowhere

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Entry filed under: changing my behavior, daily challenges. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , .

Not quite sure The time has come…

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