Turning my life around

May 3, 2009 at 7:34 pm 2 comments

The other day, I found a piece of paper on which I had written in January of 2008: “I will turn my life around in 1000 tiny steps. Roughly calculated at one step a day, that would be 2 years and 7 months – July of 2010. That seems so far away!”

July of 2010 is still a good year away, and yet I have already succeeded in turning my life around. The trick was to set a realistic goal. One thousand tiny steps, one step a day. Sometimes it was just a different reaction, standing my ground, not feeling guilty, not letting someone intimidate me. Some steps were about taking care of myself — like eating well and going to the gym. Then some steps were simply about letting myself have fun — reading, going to the movies or dancing. Some days I took more than one step. That was allowed. One step was simply the minimum. I didn’t count the actual number of steps it took, but do realize there were some leaps and bounds. Those were the momentous events that occurred — like when I told my girlfriend, “I need a job.” And two days later my future employer happened to be sitting on that girlfriend’s porch, complaining that she was looking for someone to fill an empty position. My friend said she knew just the right person and called me up. The rest is history. I’ve been working there for 8 months already!

It will probably take a month to get settled in my new apartment — at least. I have to get a few pieces of furniture, sort through my books and clothes — all that fun stuff. It’s a good opportunity to get rid of things I no longer need.

This afternoon I returned home from a 4-day seminar for the 3-year training program I enrolled in this past February. I got the keys to the apartment Wednesday, brought some stuff to the apartment, spent Thursday morning cleaning and organizing the kitchen, then left that evening for the seminar. A few colleagues asked me how I could stand to leave the apartment. I replied that I had indeed found it tempting to stay and keep getting organized and transporting carloads of stuff, but somehow it had been easy to let go and leave.

I’ve developed patience and trust over the past several months. I trust that things happen at the right time, and that all will come in good time. Thus it wasn’t so difficult to leave. I told myself it would do me good to get away, get my mind on completely different things, spend the 4 days with fellow students — a wonderful bunch of people. That’s how it was. We worked hard, spent the evenings drinking a glass or two of wine and talking, sharing confidences, and telling jokes. Although there was a lot of theretical knowledge to take in, still I feel refreshed. The break from daily life did me good. Tomorrow morning I’ll send the kids off to school, drive a carload of my books to the new apartment, do more cleaning, and probably see it with new eyes and get new ideas about how to set things up.

The desire to change my life had been building up for several years. I tended to wish, but think it impossible. Part of the problem was that I wanted the changes to occur immediately. The other part of the problem was — beyond the wishful thinking — that I lacked specific ideas and goals, and I didn’t really believe in myself or think I could accomplish this major feat. It took a while to figure out how to go about this huge project. But once started, there was no turning back!


Entry filed under: changing my behavior, daily challenges, journey of life. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , .

Joy and sadness Full moon

2 Comments Add your own

  • 1. carolynlboyd  |  May 9, 2009 at 3:24 pm

    I’m so proud of you! Your new life has really started. I think it makes sense to move into your new home slowly. This is such an opportunity to truly make it your space. I wonder what would happen if you just slowly let it decorate itself, let it be an organic process and see what happens. Know that I’m sending you positive thoughts as you take these important steps.

    • 2. diaryofarecoveredbulimic  |  May 10, 2009 at 1:42 pm

      It’s funny. Since I’m not in such a hurry, it seems like things are progressing very quickly — faster than expected.


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