Full moon

May 10, 2009 at 2:02 pm Leave a comment

There was something exciting about spending the first night in the new apartment during the full moon. I’ve always been affected by the moon, so it seemed appropriate. Most of the day and evening were spent getting organized, assembling bookshelves, and putting things away. It was nearly 11 pm by the time I finally looked outside. There was a glow behind the mountains, and I thought I had missed the moon. But as I sat there, sipping a glass of wine, it got brighter and eventually the rim of the moon emerged. After a while, it was there — in it’s full glory.

Yesterday was a warm summery day, and the night was just as mild. So I sat on the balcony, moongazing, and jumping up every 5 minutes to do one more thing that occurred to me. Still I felt peaceful and content as I surveyed the results of the past week’s efforts.

Yesterday afternoon a strong man materialized once again at just the right moment and helped us carry two more pieces of furniture up the two flights of stairs. It was uncanny — three times it happened that I brought stuff to the apartment building, then realized I would not be as easily able to carry the stuff up as anticipated — and three times help appeared at just the right moment. My daughter and I probably could have managed — but it surely would have taken us 5 times as long. The man helped me carry one thing, and while my daughter and I debated what to do next, he’d gone back down and carrried up the table for the balcony all by himself! Ah, gratitude!

There have been a few sudden bouts of tears — often while driving, as then I tend to reflect and let my thoughts wander. Otherwise I’ve been so busy with practical aspects, I haven’t really thought much. Yesterday and today, as I was driving between the apartment and the house, it hit me. Although I have no regrets, I do feel incredibly sad. Life is changing. The tears come of their own avail, helping me to bid adieu to a long chapter in this life. True, I am optimistic and trust that all will work out well, but I’m a bit weepy today as well.

Excited and sad, I start on a new round in this game — a round with no defined rules. It’s to be figured out as I go along. This is how I’ve wanted to live, but I must say, it feels a bit strange — like a brand new pair of shoes that hasn’t yet been broken in. But once those shoes are broken in, they may become quite comfortable.


Entry filed under: full moon, On my own. Tags: , , , , , , , , , .

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