Full Moon

June 7, 2009 at 3:48 pm Leave a comment

The moon is full tonight and my cat is rather bonkers. The first night in the new apartment was also a full moon. So I’ve been here four weeks now. It seems much longer. I drove to the house today to use the internet. My daughter accompanied me. It was eerie. I commented to her that the town where my husband lives already seems so strange and unfamiliar. It is not at all like going home. We just drove there to visit and use the computer.

My husband has been very cooperative. My fears have since been dissipated. I was afraid he would abandon us, be nasty, hate me, or even kill himself. That is what kept me with him for so long. But when I realized I was killing myself slowly in the process, I decided that I was not willing to sacrifice my life for him. I also realized that he is responsible for himself. My actions do not determine what he does.

In the meantime, he has made changes in the house, is quite orderly, and seems relieved and even content. Today I suggested we get together in the near future – go out to dinner and talk. He said he doesn’t have time next week. Okay, the week after is fine. I’d like to sit down and talk – ask him how he is doing, and also what he thinks of the manuscript. I gave him the German translation of my book to read. I think it is important to get his feedback before it goes to print.

On the way back to the apartment, as we turned left at the traffic light, I smiled and said to my daughter: “It seems so familiar already, doesn’t it?” She agreed. We have our new home and feel very much at home. It is amazing how quickly things can change.

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Entry filed under: full moon, On my own. Tags: , , , , , , .

Letting Go Loneliness

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