Loneliness

June 7, 2009 at 3:50 pm 4 comments

This is not to be avoided. Now that I’m on my own, I catch myself at moments feeling a bit lonely. There is a need to share this happiness. As I sit out on the balcony with a glass of wine, gazing at the moon, I can’t help but think it would be fun to share the moment with someone special. But then I remind myself that now is not the time. Now is the time to be alone and come to terms with my life. Now is the time to get things in order and live the life I am meant to. I’m sure that when the time is right, I’ll meet someone. Now is not the time.

It can be tempting to fill the empty space with someone new, but that would be more of an escape at this point. Let me establish my life and figure out what it’s about before I jump into something new.

There is a sense of emptiness at times. Once I filled it with food. I ate and puked, ate and puked, and was relieved that no one was there. It would have been shameful and embarrassing. Today there is nothing to be embarrassed about, nothing to be ashamed of. I am simply me. It is a clean, simple life.

Now that I’m on my own, I finally have the time to focus on the training program, to read, to do what I want. Why bother to try to fill up the occasional empty moments? There is so much that fulfills me! I suppose it is a natural need to want to reach out and share the happiness, but for now I am alone… listening to Neil Young’s “After the Gold Rush”, writing, and soothing my crazy cat. He’s a little calmer now, but he does feel the moon.

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Entry filed under: On my own. Tags: , , , , , .

Full Moon Exuberance and Change

4 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Caressa  |  June 7, 2009 at 4:51 pm

    I understand where you are coming from and how you feel. A few days ago, I wrote an article on my blog on Loneliness too. Feel free to read it and understand that there are others out there who feel much the same as you do!!
    http://caressa1.wordpress.com/2009/06/02/loneliness/

    There are other articles that you might find helpful too.

    Regards
    Caressa

    Reply
    • 2. diaryofarecoveredbulimic  |  June 14, 2009 at 12:58 pm

      Thanks Caressa! I’ll check it out when I’m back online — which will be sooner than hoped!

      Reply
  • 3. hsina  |  July 28, 2009 at 11:05 am

    I on the other hand have never experienced the feeling of loneliness. I have been through relationships to the next but I actually found one man who has meant my match. However, I sometimes do feel the emptiness. When he’s not around.
    If you have known me. Then you might be able to see what my heart refuses to see.

    That loneliness of yours will sometimes pass. You chose the right thing that is best for you.

    Keep on doing that and you will surely get somewhere in life. Filled with True happiness and True love.

    S.H

    Reply
  • 4. diaryofarecoveredbulimic  |  July 28, 2009 at 12:39 pm

    Thank you for your encouragement! I trust that all will turn out for the best. It just takes patience and faith — especially when the road seems endless and bumpy.

    Reply

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