What has changed?

June 7, 2009 at 3:44 pm Leave a comment

What is it exactly, that makes this new life so wonderful? There’s a new sense of flow – and it feels right.

For example, I had hesitated to leave because I worried about the cats. I thought my husband would want to keep them. No, in fact he said I should take them with me! So I brought my dear Nicky here. He’s the lazy house cat who never went out much anyway. I live on the second floor, so he’s kind of stuck indoors. But he does go out on the balcony and night and check out what’s happening on the street below. The only problem is that he gets kind of antsy between 2 and 5 am, which tends to drive me nuts.

One morning my son called me on my cell phone. He was locked in the bathroom! This building was built in the early 70’s and the locks are as old. Luckily, he managed to unlock it in the nick of time – so he got to school on time. I wrote a note to the superintendant, and she stopped by the next morning. Together we took the lock out of the door, cleaned and sprayed it, and now it works fine.

She noticed the kitty litter and said: “Oh, you have a cat! You know, the former tenant had a cat ladder from the kitchen balcony.” The building is on a hill, so the kitchen balcony is only 6 feet from the ground. I hate to say: “Thank god my son was locked in the bathroom,” but if it hadn’t happened, I might not have gotten the idea. I asked the downstairs neighbors if they would mind. No, it’s no problem. The ladder isn’t quite finished yet. I still have to weatherproof it.

With the prospect of being able to go outside, I can soon take the second cat as well. He’s the outdoor type. Although I now live in a city, it’s just a tiny bit outside the main part, and there is a field next door. We live on a quiet street, so it’s not really any more dangerous than the house. I’ll finish the ladder tomorrow.

That was just one tiny incident. What has changed is my approach to things. I’m sure you can imagine that there are hassles with moving – not everything goes according to plan. That doesn’t bother me at all. I manage to find the positive side. When things move slowly, I interpret that as a possibility to re-evaluate and perhaps change something.

For example, I ordered a closet nearly 4 weeks ago. That is my one big luxury with this apartment – a 2.5 meter (roughly 2.5 yards) long closet, to be delivered and put together by professionals. It was finally delivered on Thursday. Up until then, I had all my clothes packed in a few suitcases. The closet was thought to be a room divider, so the time gave me a good chance to figure out how it should be placed. My bookshelves and the closet were to form an “L” to separate my sleeping area from the living room.

I thought I had it all figured out, so I gave them instructions and then left for work. I had night duty. The next morning I came home, excited to see the closet and finally unpack. When I arrived, I realized it was all wrong – even though I’d had so much time to think about it. Well, I considered leaving it the way it was, but I wasn’t thrilled. Then I gave the closet a push – it moved one centimeter (not quite half an inch). I thought to myself: “This won’t be easy, but several centimeters can make a difference.” Only 45 minutes later, I had moved the closet – switched places with the bookshelves – and now am quite pleased with the results.

This doesn’t quite support my theory – as I ended up changing it anyway. But the good part is, since it took so long I didn’t have the expense. In the meantime, another month’s salary is in the bank, so I can actually pay the bill on time – when it arrives.

What has really changed is that I trust I can manage. After letting my husband take care of all the worldly and home affairs for over 20 years, I am doing this on my own. I am coping just fine, as a matter of fact. It’s fun to see how things develop. What has changed is that I feel competent and able. It’s a whole new attitude! I guess what has really changed is that I feel confident and competent.


Entry filed under: On my own. Tags: , , , , , , .

It’s been a while… Letting Go

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