Hard Times

June 20, 2009 at 9:05 pm Leave a comment

I was so happy to get internet, but things have been so crazy lately, I just haven’t been up to writing. From what I hear, it seems like a lot of people are struggling right now. Things just aren’t going well, or are more difficult than usual. Loved ones are undergoing major operations, being diagnosed with awful illnesses. Life is challenging at the moment.

I thought that once I got caught up and posted the stuff I wrote while living without internet, then I would write a lot. But right now I’m just plain tired. My work schedule is heavier since some colleagues are on vacation, last weekend’s seminar took a lot out of me, and one of my cats ran away. That breaks my heart, but he’s a smart cat. Either he’ll come back, or he found something better.

Tired and restless. Don’t even have the peace of mind to watch a DVD. My husband was kind enough to deliver my piano today. That was a wonderful surprise. I’d been debating whether or not to hire a crane, but he had the smart idea to take it apart (the legs from the main part), and then it was quite simple to bring here. So everything is here, but emotionally I’m still getting settled.

From the sound of it, this seems to be a real rambler. I’ve heard from a few people recently — either suffering from an eating disorder or in love with someone who is suffering. Besides all the regular stuff in life, an eating disorder makes it all so much more complicated.

Today’s energy would be perfect for a binge. Spaced out and tired. Exhausted, actually. But this afternoon I decided to take a nap, and woke up feeling much better! How does one switch from the bingeing mode to taking a nap? It’s hard to say. Even something as simple as a nap is not easy. Even then you need to be willing to let go and simply get under the covers. God, why is it so hard to pay attention to our humble needs and fulfill them? I don’t know. I suspect it’s because we learned as children that we weren’t supposed to have needs, but that’s just an idea I have.

Life for me today is about hanging on. I have to work all day tomorrow and have the night shift as well, but then I’ll have a couple of days off. It takes a lot to be out there in the world day after day, without a chance to hide at home and regenerate.

The excitement of the past year is getting to me as well. So much has happenend! Just about one year ago to the day I had a bicycle accident. It opened my eyes and changed my life. I felt it at the time, and actually thanked Higher Power for the gift, but had no idea that things would change so drastically. I didn’t think I had the strength or courage. What a surprise!

So, what I’m saying in quite a roundabout way is: Have faith! Trust. Even in difficult times, all is well. It will work out. Take a few minutes — or an hour — whatever time is available, and sit back and relax for a bit. Breathe. You are fine just the way you are, and you are exactly where you are supposed to be. If you’re having a rough day, know that you are not alone. Life simply is difficult sometimes. But we manage to get through them, and then better times come. Trust me, I truly know that.

Here’s a little tired song…

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Entry filed under: daily challenges. Tags: , , , , .

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