Unexpected peace of mind

July 3, 2009 at 9:20 am Leave a comment

What a blessing it was to go to the Tibetan Monastery yesterday evening! Perhaps it’s good that I don’t understand Tibetan. That allowed me to settle back and let the chanting work of its own effect — on a purely energetic level.

It was cold and rainy this morning, early on there was thunder and lightning. A good day to sleep in. The cats woke me a few times in the night, but somehow I was calmer and didn’t let it get to me. They seemed to notice the difference and were less bothersome than usual.

I have to go to work later this afternoon, and have things to do. Yesterday I’d made plans to get together with my friend again, but today realized that I need to take it easy. Get some chores done, errands run, and then I’ll see her tomorrow. Although it isn’t always possible, today I have the opportunity to move a bit slower. I’m taking the time I need to get started, rather than rushing around and getting everything done while my head is somewhere else.

This morning I am rooted, connected. Rather than worry about disappointing others, I asked myself what I need today — and that’s what I am doing. It’s all about balance. Sometimes it’s good to give myself that extra push to do something — like going to the monastery last night, but sometimes it’s good to be quiet and take it easy.

Perhaps through recovery I developed the mistaken attitude that now that I am healthy, I can do everything and function at 100% all the time. I can’t. Even though I’m recovered, I’m still human. I have good days and bad. There are days where I’m bursting with energy and enthusiasm, and days when I don’t want to talk to anyone or even leave the apartment. Both types of days are okay and part of life.

Oh, now I see what I’m getting at. There are still high expectations and demands that I place on myself. I still tend to forget that I’m just a silly old human bean like everyone else. Believe me, that’s a good thing to know!

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Entry filed under: changing my behavior, life after bulimia. Tags: , , , , , , .

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