Letting go of children

July 10, 2009 at 9:43 am Leave a comment

The day has come. It’s the last day of school. My son went to school, but his homeroom teacher was no where to be found, so he took the train home again without a report card. I met him at the train station and we went to buy a couple of shorts & t-shirts for his trip, as well as a snack. Although I told him on Monday that he should pack and figure out what else he needs, he didn’t pack until last night. That makes it more exciting. And I guess he was busy doing other things this week as well. He had all he needed, then we headed back to the train station.

Once there, he rearranged his things and we went inside to buy his train ticket. I even remembered to give him his passport and some money. He grinned and said, “Goodbye.” No, he didn’t want me to accompany him to the platform and wait for the train. I could go home. That’s when I nearly lost it and the tears came. He looked at me like I was crazy and said: “Would you please act normal?” I smiled and hugged him. He hugged me back, despite it being terribly uncool for an almost 15-year-old to hug his mother in public — at the train station no less!

I walked back to my apartment, smiling and feeling that bittersweet pain that comes with the recognition that my baby is growing up and becoming independent. It’s his first big trip without me. He’s taking the train cross-country (7 hours) to his best friend from the old days when we still lived there. Then they go to Croatia for 2 weeks. After that, he’ll spend another week at his friend’s apartment. Three weeks!

I’m sure they’ll have a good time and I trust he’ll come home safe and sound. But it does ache inside to know that I am not next to him to protect him. Oh, it is not easy. On the other hand, it is rewarding to see what he can do without me! He can’t do that if I don’t let go.

The bright side, of course, is: summer vacation! I have a very easy work schedule over the summer, which means we can sleep late, read until well after midnight, go to bed late, get together with friends, enjoy a relaxed schedule, and do as we please. That I do look forward to!


Entry filed under: children, letting go. Tags: , , , , , , .

Progress Time out and dinner

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