About food

July 24, 2009 at 11:56 am Leave a comment

Lately I’ve heard various reports about fake food. For a while, it has bothered me to even think about where some things come from and how they are made. In fact, I don’t think about it. However, I realized recently that part of my lack of appetite these days is related to that. So much stuff isn’t nutritious, and just the thought of it kills my appetite. (Besides stress and lack of sleep!)

As I mentioned a couple of weeks ago, I have decided to pay more attention to my eating and improve my habits. That has gone fairly well. Of course, while travelling and visiting with friends it was wonderful — nothing easier than eating out or being spoiled at a friend’s apartment with good home-cooked stuff.

Back home again, I went right back to work the next day, and didn’t have time to think about cooking. The next day I threw out a lot of stuff that was no longer good and had expired. I felt bad doing it, but that’s how it was. If I learned one thing in recovery, it is that I deserve good food. I am not willing to eat stuff that is a little over the edge. Besides, stuff like that doesn’t have much left in the way of nutrients.

Yesterday morning I had a staff meeting. Ate a quick breakfast at home — sweetbread, butter & coffee. At work someone had a birthday, so I had two pieces of black forest cake. It is my absolute favorite cake! I wasn’t really hungry at lunch time, so I just munched on some handfuls of mixed nuts and raisins. The lazy woman’s way to get protein and brain food. Then I walked into the city (10 minutes), got my hair trimmed, and did some clothes shopping.

I’ve decided to let my hair grow again somewhat. And I needed some new clothes to inspire me to weed out some of the old stuff that I never wear. I was in such a rush to move that I packed everything, and decided I would get rid of stuff here. So that’s what I’m doing. It was rather hot, so on the way home, I bought an ice cream cone with two scoops — rum raisin & stracciatella. Yum!

In the evening, I told myself it was okay to have a lazy day and not cook, but on the following day, action was required. Then my daughter called — in the middle of a crisis. Could I please pick her up at her girlfriend’s house? She’d just redone the blonde part of her hair, and in washing it out, the color from the black underneath got into the blonde and turned it gray-blue. She could not possibly take the train home in that condition!

I grumbled, but went to pick her up. When I saw her, I joked that she should leave it, because if people saw the gray from behind, and then her face, they’d say she looks fantastic! She wasn’t amused. On the way home, we swung by the famous fast-food place and I picked up an easy supper — chicken, fish, fries and a small coke. (I drink water.) It was kind of amusing — the girl at the counter smiled and asked if it was to stay or to go. (My daughter was waiting in the car.) I can remember going to such places and ordering that much food and more — to stay — and then leaving it there, so to speak. But those are old stories.

Anyway, usually I don’t care for that “food”, but sometimes it’s an easy way to bond. So we sat at the table and ate our fast food. To be honest, I don’t mind it every once in a while. It’s all a question of moderation.

But enough junk food! This morning I drove her to the hairdresser’s, then decided to hang out in the city until she was finished. I went to the health food store and got some nice vegetables, fruit, and some cheese, and on the way back bought a juicer. My juicer is nearly 25 years old, and it just doesn’t produce as much juice as it once did. I’ve been wanting to buy a new one for quite some time, and just “happened” to see this one while walking through town last week.

I cooked the good potatoes, made a nice little green salad with tomatoes, and served the potatoes with butter, salt & pepper, and cheese. Next to pancakes, that is one of my absolute favorite meals.

Why am I writing so much about food? Because it’s a normal part of life, and I want to take the mystery out of being healthy and eating “normally”. It’s all a matter of moderation. I’m not perfect. I’m sure some people may look down on me for eating cake, ice cream and fast food. That’s okay. I do it rarely enough that I quite enjoy the few occasions. And it is in keeping with my approach: Everything is allowed, it’s just a matter of moderation.

I’m sure some of you were thinking: TWO pieces of cake! Impossible! It’s either one forkful or the entire cake. Believe me, I know exactly where you’re coming from. I was there for a long time myself. The difference today is: I enjoy it. I don’t eat it and think it is a sin and feel guilty. I’m allowed to eat it, and one slice is enough. Or two — when it’s my favorite cake. And then I don’t have to force myself to stop. I’ve had enough and that’s it.

This sounds simple/next to impossible, I know. But I figure if I write about it, maybe it will click and someone might think: “Oh! That is possible? Hmmm.” The key is in allowing myself to live and eat, not expecting perfection, not putting myself down for bad habits, and trusting that I will improve my habits with time. It was a big adjustment with the move, and my thoughts were elsewhere. Since food is a basic necessity for me, I don’t really spend much time thinking about it to begin with. However, like I said, I’ve decided to go to the health food store one or two times a week. No, I don’t intend to go fully organic, but I figure every little bit helps. And I must admit, after eating really good food, I do feel good. Too much sugar spaces me out and makes me tired.

That’s it for today. I have to practice for tomorrow’s concert. Oh, by the way, it occurred to me that what I said yesterday about trying to convince myself vs. being convinced applies to the music as well. For tomorrow’s gig I am going to see what happens when I am convinced that I am good enough just the way I am. Focussing on getting into that frame of mind today! Have a good day!

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What the heck was that about? Breathe in, breathe out

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