First separated birthday

August 18, 2009 at 8:44 pm Leave a comment

It was a success! I was a bit nervous about this first shared birthday celebration of our son since my husband and I separated a few months ago. Running late as usual, I managed to get the cake frosted and decorated (with “Happy Birthday” cut out of marzipan), stuck the candles on, and drove off — leaving the kitchen in a disastrous state.

Yesterday was very hot. That was somehow appropriate, as we were in the middle of a heat wave the day my son was born. I drove carefully, especially around the turns, and the cake was in one piece upon arrival. I just had to rotate the candles a bit, as the heat had melted them slightly.

We were all a bit nervous, and the relatives were late, so we stood around for a while. They eventually arrived, and we spent a nice afternoon drinking coffee and eating cake. Then the kids disappeared, and my husband offered wine and beer. I had brought some pretzels and mixed nuts along, just in case. See, we hadn’t discussed the particulars. My husband never liked to discuss things when we lived together, so why start now?

Anyway, the snack food stayed in the bag. I had tried to help with clearing away the coffee cups and plates, but he shooed me out of the kitchen. So I went back out and sat at the table like any other guest, and he brought out rolls, cheese and fine coldcuts. It was simple, but good.

It turned out to be an enjoyable evening, after the first awkwardness of the new situation was let go. We talked, laughed, reminisced — and I enjoyed socializing with the bunch of them, including my husband. It even seemed natural to kiss him on the cheek as I said goodbye. As I said, I am quite pleased. I believe it is important for the children to have some kind of normalcy amidst the change, and I am happy to see that both their father and I agree on that.

Although we have never done this before (separated) and it’s totally new territory for all of us, there is a basic atmosphere of well-meaning, respect, and even love, for which I am grateful. This is the separation I hoped and wished for. Nor do I have any regrets.

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Entry filed under: children, Family/Relationships, Life after separation. Tags: , , , , , , , , .

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