Solitairy Depression

August 25, 2009 at 9:04 pm Leave a comment

I’m cleaning up my apartment today, sorting through odds and ends, and I found some notes that I wrote while still working on my Master’s Thesis. At the time, I spent whole days in front of the computer. When I wasn’t writing, I was playing Solitaire. I used to play it as a kid, with a real deck of cards. I still like it. At the time, I thought I’d never finish my degree. Thank God those days are over. It’s not a comfortable place to be.

Depression I:
If the night is darkest and coldest before dawn,
then I expect the sunrise of the century
cause boy my dues are paid.
Spent days playing
spent days saying
I won’t do it, well just once,
5 more minutes, round it up to 30,
make the hour full,
another half and a whole
soon the morning is blown.
So why stop now?
Want a smoke.
Why did I stop?
My voice is no less scratchy and
I’m still hoarse in the morning.
And it was fun. I liked it.
Getting to be too much
Mess up everything I touch
Either need medication
or to be someone else.
Yeah, I’ll be somebody else today —
motivated, educated,
energetic, sympathetic.
I’ll have a plan.
Just be someone else for today
send depression away
for a little vacation
pack up frustration, devastation
in a little bag with no nametag
hope it gets lost.

Depression II:
So my friend it’s time to part
to leave your grasp upon my heart
pack your bags and go far away
you deserve it, feel free to stay
there where you have
all the little things you need:
frustration, devastation,
helplessness and hopelessness,
lack of motivation,
apathy, self-pity
and some extra negativity —
just in case.
Feel free to take it all
I really took more than my fair share
so don’t think you need to leave even a morsel in my care.
Been thinking about medication
Mom says try meditation
don’t have the dedication
I’ll just be someone else today.
Act as if I’m motivated, educated, energetic, sympathetic
and have a plan.

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Entry filed under: daily challenges, Poetry. Tags: , , , , , , , , .

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