Upside down

September 15, 2009 at 8:09 am Leave a comment

That’s the most appropriate way to describe the situation of someone close to me. Oddly enough, I’m working so hard to convince her not to worry and to take it one day at a time that it’s rubbing off on me. I have worries of my own at the moment, but am calm and confident that all will work out — one way or the other.

Anxiety seems to run in the family, and I was not spared a generous dose of it. But I recently figured out (for the nth time!) that it doesn’t help me to worry. In fact, it is contraproductive, as it zaps me of energy I could use for coping.

It’s all a matter of appearances. Sometimes things look really good, other times rather frightening. I am optimistic that all will work out. The kids will do okay in school, the bills will get paid, I’ll get my schoolwork done, and things with my husband will eventually get sorted out and we’ll come to some kind of an agreement. On the other hand, should any of the above not work out — should one or both kids get kicked out of school (or drop out), should I lose my job and not be able to pay the bills, should I have a nasty time before things with my husband get settled — that too I will handle.

So for now I have a good feeling. In addition, I find it helpful to not be drinking or smoking. I have consciously stopped, as those activities zap energy as well. With a clear head, I have a good chance of finding workable and creative solutions. Rather than worry, I will consider these challenges as opportunities to grow and learn — which they certainly are.

Meanwhile there are other little things within my power to change — how I approach situations. At the moment, I’m working on allotting adequate time for activities, preparation, and for getting to work and appointments on time. I tend to wait until the last minute and then run like crazy (and sometimes even exceed the speed limit just a tiny bit). I don’t want to function like that any more. Step by step I am taking the time, starting sooner, learning to estimate more realistically how long things take.

I want to accomplish this for myself, but also for my children. Although it is true that childrearing is pretty much complete by the time they are teenagers, and all the mistakes have been made, I still believe that change is possible. After all, as an adult I have made changes in my life. By changing myself within the system of this family, the children will be affected as well. I just need to remember that it takes time. Lasting change does not happen over night.

I have an incredible friend who is really good at being patient, knowing how long things will take, and anticipating things. She never ceases to amaze me when we get together. Not that I expect to completely give up my spontaneous, chaotic ways. Oh, no! I just want to bring some balance into my life in that area.

Now that I have expounded on adequate time estimation and preparation, I’m going to get moving and get some things done! This is a nicely busy week and will not be hectic — unless I wait until the last minute to get everything done.

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Entry filed under: daily challenges. Tags: , , , , , , , , , .

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