What to do with myself after separation

October 13, 2009 at 8:21 am Leave a comment

Someone used this as a search phrase and it got me to thinking. What to do? If only I knew!

But I do have some thoughts and ideas about it. Separation is a chance. It is a chance to step back and view things from a distance, to have time for yourself, and to straighten things up in your life.

Separation can be a painful process — especially depending on who wanted it in the first place, but it can also bring insight and growth. There were moments when I felt lost, especially when I saw my girlfriends — who separated around the same time I did — already in new relationships.

That was just a passing mood. Today I am glad to be on my own. I am grateful for the opportunity to get things in order and to experience life as I choose. It is also an opportunity to experience my ability to discover resources and possibilities I never imagined!

My still-husband is very dominant. I allowed him to play that role, which only strengthened our positions in the relationship. Thus I needed to extricate myself completely to be able to breathe freely and think clearly.

What to do? Explore the possibilities. Believe that you can survive on your own, and you will succeed. Do things on your own and see how it feels. I go to the movies, go for walks, go out to eat, go to concerts, sit at a café and read, and I spend quiet time alone at home — reading, practicing guitar, writing songs. Some of these activities I share with friends. In general, I seem to have more time for friends. And best of all: I am free! I determine what I want to do, when, with whom, and when I want to go home. Wow!

Sure, there are some days when I feel lost, but I had more lost days while we were still together, because I had lost touch with who I am. Or the contact was there, but it took tremendous energy and concentration to maintain the connection and to assert myself. The struggle was more about maintaining my self — as opposed to totally drowning — than making progress.

I believe each of us has a calling in life. This separation has given me the opportunity to gain clarity. Perhaps there will be space for a new relationship at some point, but for now, the focus is simply on my life — without distractions.


Entry filed under: Life after separation. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , .

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