Days slide by effortlessly, but I’m working hard

November 25, 2009 at 8:34 pm Leave a comment

What I mean is, I can’t control things, but I work hard at what I can do. Well, except yesterday morning. I goofed off — made phone calls, played solitaire, wrote e-mails, and started working on the music for some new lyrics. Actually, that’s not goofing off, that’s just relaxing!

The new job officially starts next week, but I’m already putting in a few hours this week. It’s a transitional period. Tomorrow I attend the first staff meeting. It is strange to think that my former colleagues will be having their staff meeting at the same time — without me! Oh, well, that’s part of change. I have to let go of the old in order to make room for the new. That applies to just about everything I can think of — work, clothes, relationship, newspapers… even books! I’ve decided to let a few books go.

One thing I noticed recently: If I hesitate to deal with something, am afraid to address an issue with someone, but feel inner pressure because I believe it has to be resolved, that often incapacitates me. It takes up energy even though nothing is actually happening, and I feel zapped.

For example: the ramp for my cat. The superintendent from my building told me the previous tenant had one, and my downstairs neighbor had no objection. So I built it. Then an upstairs neighbor brought it up and made me feel uncertain. I wasn’t sure what to do, even though he said: “Well, it doesn’t really bother anyone.” He took on an air of critical authority, and I treated him thus. That’s been bothering me for a while, because I want to build a new (better) one, but wasn’t sure.

The other day, I received a sudden inspiration: invite the super over for a cup of coffee! She came over this morning and we had a nice conversation, during the course of which the ramp was mentioned. I told her about the neighbor, my concerns, etc. and she reassured me that I have nothing to worry about and need no special permission. Whew! What a relief!

Why didn’t I ask her right away? As soon as that man had scared me? I guess it was the little girl caught off guard and afraid of being naughty. Even though she’s 47 years old! Good grief! So it has been resolved, and the lesson I take from it is: If I’m afraid to address a certain person, rather than sit with my fear, I need to look at my resources. What are my alternatives? There is more than one solution to a problem. That I actually learned in higher mathematics. Why should life be any different?

However, sometimes I have to address that person, especially if it specifically has to do with them. That I did a few weeks ago. I actually talked to someone who constantly oversteps my boundaries. She stands too close to me and asks too many questions. The questions I can avert, answer briefly or say I don’t feel like talking at the moment, but the physical proximity was a problem. We talked, I told her how I felt, and she thanked me for telling her! Imagine that?!

What’s the bottom line? Problems expand — inflate themselves like a balloon — when I keep them in my head. That makes it hard to breathe freely. I don’t want to pop the balloon and explode. No, I am learning to let the air out slowly. After all, I might be able to use the balloon for something else.


Entry filed under: daily challenges. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , .

Meanwhile, events caught up with attitude I feel old!

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