Archive for February, 2010

What’s the message?

Yet again a lousy cold has struck me down. Yesterday I wanted to go see the movie about Albert Schweitzer in Africa. Instead, I stayed home and started reading my new book, which was delivered on Thursday: “Just Kids” by Patti Smith. It is wonderful! I do love staying in bed with a book. Oh, that reminds me of a T-shirt I had back in the 80’s: “Take a book to bed instead!” But why do I need a sinus infection to rest?

There is a lot going on, as I have mentioned previously. There are several projects in the works, and more in the back of my mind. Lately I’ve been so excited and focussed on the future that I am filled with an intense degree of tension and anticipation.

It goes back to: Live in the now! Despite all the excitement and plans, dreams coming true, hopes and fantasies, I need to stay in the moment. Be here now, today. It’s a delicate balance. True, it is encouraging and uplifting to have so much going on, to see just how much I am capable of doing, but not to the point of exhaustion.

When a cold comes on, I receive it as a messenger who tells me it’s time to take a closer look at what I’m dong, and that I need to chill out, review priorities, and trust that I don’t have to do it all alone.

For today, I will relax, go for an afternoon walk in the sun, and trust that all is meant to be — and that all will turn out as it is meant to be. Once again, I take steps, do the preparatory work, and indeed have my hopes, but it is time to let go and trust in the universe again. When I get caught up in trying to control the future, that’s when I tie up a lot of energy which I need for other things. No matter where I am and how far I’ve come, it’s still: One step at a time!

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February 20, 2010 at 11:16 am 2 comments

Pyjama Sunday

I haven’t written for a while because there has been so much going on — inside and out. Today I have the day off. My daughter spent the night at a friend’s house, so I have the day to myself. It is truly rejuvenating to sleep late, hang around in my pyjamas, and just think and putter.

It is funny, this process of life. So much has happened and for a while I kept thinking that things would eventually calm down. Now I understand that the process of life is not that way at all. It goes in waves, and the challenge is to get some rest and get centered in between.

At the moment, I am getting ready to publish a book in German, record a new CD, and the new job is still a matter of adjustment. Meanwhile, this year I am hoping to totally move into a new job, but that is on the back burner for now.

Personally, it is a time of upheaval with my children. Two teenagers provide a source of challenge on a daily basis. I’m in the process of changing some behavior patterns of my own, and trust that they will have an effect on my children. Yes, I’ve learned that I can’t change my children. It is a system. If I change, the system will change.

In the course of all of this activity and excitement, I am still struggling to recognize and change old behavior patterns. They creep in when I least expect them, and then I am disappointed. But the awareness is a source of comfort. These days I recognize them rather quickly, so it is a matter of days, as opposed to the months and years it used to take before I said: “Oh! This is something from the past and not how I want to be.”

My desk is a mess of papers, bills, notes, and stuff for work. It reflects the inner chaos at the moment. So today I want to get organized and then go out for a nice long walk. No, not in my pyjamas! By then I’ll be ready to get dressed! 😉

Sometimes it is helpful to let go of everything on my mind and just focus on straightening up and getting fresh air. It brings in a new perspective, gets me grounded, and gives me energy to keep going. It also helps me get a better sense of priorities and goals.

I feel like a child who can’t wait for Christmas to come, but there is a lot to do before then. During the next few months some long-term projects will come to a close. I don’t have any illusions. When they are finished, new goals and projects will emerge. That is the course of life. However, it is wonderful to finish things and have space for something new!

February 14, 2010 at 10:50 am Leave a comment

Sunshine and Inspiration

I just noticed that the last time I wrote, it was kind of a lousy day. That has long since passed. It was just a good reminder that I have to be firm and keep at it.

Meanwhile I found my old colleague through the internet and we’ve been in touch. That was a nice twist! So the lousy day was good. Otherwise I wouldn’t have watched the movie, thought about her, and tried to find her.

The sun is shining and it certainly gives the day a bright outlook. The other night I went to see the new film with Meryl Streep and Alec Baldwin. It was fun. As I walked home, my thoughts wandered — as they usually do after a film. Suddenly the thought occurred to me: Hope is important, but you need to be able to imagine things as well! I’m not quite sure where it came from, but it certainly makes sense!

In other words, vague hope is not enough. I need a picture of what I want to accomplish, how I want things to be. Just to say: “I want things to change. I don’t want this anymore.” That won’t do the job.

So that’s on my mind these days. Once again, I am picturing what it is that I want, how things need to look when they have changed. Of course, it’s still one step at a time.

February 1, 2010 at 9:33 am Leave a comment


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