Source of strength

April 17, 2011 at 11:58 am Leave a comment

Last weekend I had a memorable experience. Although (or because?) up to my ears in school and work, I attended a one-day seminar on “Healing Circles” — to booster my emotional well being.

The instructor taught us various Shiatsu exercises for the organs of the body, and gave us a few meditative impulses. In the morning we did a “led” meditation. As usual I drifted off into my own waking dream state after the first few sentences. That is typical, and I’ve gotten used to it. I figure I get what I need, even if I can’t remember everything.

In the afternoon, another meditation was offered. This one was to lead us to a place of strength. I was determined to remain aware, as lately I’ve been lacking a sense of centeredness, and could use some rejuvenation.

After the first few sentences… I was gone once again. Images, scenes race across the movie screen in my brain. There’s nothing I can do about it. But then, suddenly a bat flew past my head. The movement and gust of air “woke” me up. As far as I know, there weren’t any bats in the seminar room, so I assume it was a product of my imagination. Whatever.

The important thing is: This little bat brought me back to the room just in time to hear the rest of the meditation! The trainer described the sun and its warm rays. In my mind I could see the glow, and felt the warmth on my body. I’d missed the description of how to envision the place or how to get there, but knew in an instant where I was.

There was a small clearing in the woods down the hill in back of the house where I grew up. As a child, I spent hours there, content in my own little world. A couple of years ago I had returned to that space — and found it completely changed, as woods do change in the course of 30 or 40 years.

The picture in my imagination was the clearing I knew as a child. A wave of happiness spread through me, and suddenly I connected with that little girl. She was around 9 years old. She was sure of herself. She didn’t wonder if she could attain her dreams. No, her concern was how to go about their realization. The sky was the limit.

After so many years of grieving the hurt, disappointed, suffering little girl who sought refuge in her eating disorder, I was surprised and delighted to come into contact with the girl before that! The one who was excited about life, who had ideas, energy, enthusiasm and trust.

So I focussed the rest of the meditation towards reactivation and integration of that connection within me — as a true source of strength. It was a profound experience of “coming home” — on various levels.

A few days later I told my mother about the experience. I was surprised — at the beginning of the meditation I was simply curious as to where it would lead me. When I started to describe the experience, she said that her first image was of that space in the woods! And a friend had the same reaction! Funny, do they know me better than I do? Or am I looking for something externally that I have within me? Does it matter? I trust that life gives me all that I need — and much of it I already have!

It was a wonderful day and certainly gave me rejuvenation and some helpful impulses for daily life. 🙂

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Entry filed under: childhood memories. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , .

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