Life goes on

December 20, 2011 at 9:10 am Leave a comment

It is an amazing cycle. Just when things seem to be on track and running smoothly, some new impulse comes along with a new challenge. Since I don’t expect things to stay calm, I am open to change and view the eruptions as possibilites for growth. That keeps me sane. Thus that momentary calmness of September has since transformed into turbulence and energy. Once again the outer events force me to take stock of the situation: Where am I? What am I doing? What needs improvement?

Synchronicity astounds me. Frequently I am confronted with issues in counselling sessions that are amazingly related to present experiences. My own challenges add depth and understanding, and the insight they bestow upon me is a valuable enhancement for which I am grateful.

Just when I thought I had it all together, I have recognized the pressing need for change. Big changes are in store. At first I felt a bit overwhelmed at the prospect. Yes, there is a strong tendency to try to hold on to what I have achieved and stay comfortable there. Yet the seed of discontent was sown and there’s no point in trying to deny it. Denial requires an immense amount of energy.

How to go about drastic change? I chose to rely on a trusted method. The goals are clearly formed in my head and brought to paper. They are positive, realistic and verifiable. I set the date by which they should be accomplished — at the latest. I prefer to be generous in that respect, because I am delighted if I attain the goal sooner than expected, but on the other hand don’t get so easily discouraged when things seem to be dragging along. I keep the big picture and the long-term process in mind.

I thought about all the “sub-goals” necessary to get there, and once again gave my self the task of one step every day. It never ceases to amaze me what a difference it makes when an ominous huge change is broken down into little steps. There are so many little things I can do along the way. What? I wrote a list of all the goals to be accomplished by a certain date. On the other side of the page, I wrote that date and then made a list of all the things that will be accomplished — as if I were already there. One day I woke up and decided to spend the day in the energy of having already accomplished everything — to see what it would feel like. Wonderful!

The steps can be small and not all of them have to feel like immense work. One day I chose to go for a walk in the forest with a dear friend. The fresh air and shared confidence did wonders! I called a friend I have known for 25 years and talked about it with her. That was also helpful. Generally the strength of close friendship is an extremely valuable “ressource” which I allow myself to use. Yet it is everything but one-sided. Through shared confidence, my friends also make valuable new discoveries for themselves. Each one of us is on her own path.

On the more practical side, I am also taking concrete steps in the outside world when possible. And of course I got my hair cut. That is always good. πŸ˜‰ Today I’m going back again — my hair isn’t short enough yet. There is something renewing and cleansing about getting rid of the weight of long hair. And I find that the longer it gets, the “better behaved” I tend to be. It’s as if it turns me into the good little girl I no longer choose to be. Strange.

It is exciting and frightening, but the wealth of past experience comforts me and gives me strength. I remind myself of all I have accomplished up until now, that I have been through much worse and always manage to survive and learn from the process. And when those moments of fear get too close for comfort, I sit still for a moment, acknowledge the butterflies in my stomach and the tingling in the rest of my body and tell myself: “This is what change feels like.” πŸ™‚

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Entry filed under: changing my behavior, Haircuts and Change. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , .

September When one door closes…

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