Letting Go

The art of letting go is no easy accomplishment. It takes a lifetime to perfect, and the last time you let go is when you move into the realm of the dead. Whether we are faced with bad habits, clutter, inappropriate interaction and/or destructive relationship patterns, or even eating disorders, we need to learn to let go.

It’s not so simple that we just let go – at least, not for me! At the moment, I am letting go of fears, anxiety, doubts, indecisiveness and impatience regarding a possible job. I’m also dealing with immanent changes in my marital relationship. Right now, in this very moment, I do not know where things are going or where I will end up. So it is a tingly feeling of excitement and curiosity which at times is almost unbearable. I’ve already mentioned my control freak approach at times, so perhaps you can imagine what a challenge this is.

On the emotional, spiritual and physical levels I can feel change occurring – all the way down to the cellular level. It reminds me a little of when I quit smoking almost 5 years ago. During the first few weeks I was incredibly tired and slept a lot. That tiredness is back. I am exhausted from all of the change, excitement and newness!

So I am learning to do something I’ve never been particularly good at: to be actively patient. That means I sit here calmly, while inside I am ready to scream and want to push things along faster. But it takes what it takes. Change takes time. In addition, I am letting go. I am taking the appropriate actions, but then I let go and leave it up to the universe. I trust that God or Higher Power will then make the final decision, as to whether this job would be good for me or not. Since I don’t see the whole picture, I don’t always know what is best. If this job is right, I will get it. If not, I won’t, because most likely something better will come along.

Sure, I could jump into change and turn everything upside-down in one day if I wanted to – especially regarding the relationship – but that isn’t my style. I want to do this responsibly and consciously, and I admit, with as little discomfort as possible. I’m not quite as daring as I was in my early twenties, but that’s okay. Where I am today and how I am is exactly how I’m supposed to be. The way I look at it, there are still some things to be learned in this relationship, and then who knows what will happen? Not me!

Breathe in, breathe out, and repeat after me: “All is well. I do my best and the rest is up to the universe. All will turn out for the best.” Of course, there is another alternative. It’s what I did in my early twenties: I could binge and puke relentlessly, not face the situation, run away, and also let higher power take care of it. But I don’t do that anymore. There is nothing bad enough to make such self-destructive behavior worth it to me. All things pass, both good and bad. When I run out of alternative behavior, I just sit here until it passes. And then I sometimes marvel at my composure. See? That’s another possibility! And of course, going to the movies is always a welcome distraction, if that’s what I need.